2018 in books

An old hobby I rediscovered this year was reading. I used to read constantly, but I started depriving myself of books because I didn't feel like my academic performance was worthy of the reward of pleasure reading. Funnily enough, when I started reading again, my schoolwork still got done. I was just happier.

Wuthering Heights- Emily Bronte

I'll admit, this was not my favorite book, but I'm glad I had to read it for school. It gave insight on the dynamics of unhealthy relationships, something I was healing from in the early months of this year.

Yogalosophy- Mandy Ingber

I've done yoga in the past, but it's never been more than a way to look better until this year. I did pick up Yogalosophy as a guide to losing weight, but found it to be so much more. Ingber focuses on self care, self love, and feeling good. This book is not image-focused. I read it in the spring, right after I realized that I could rest on God's unconditional love. Having such a peaceful exercise practice helped me to explore the peace God gave me and to have a more positive mind. Yogalosophy also helped warm me to meditation and plant-based eating, things I integrated more into my life as the year went on.

Coming Apart- Charles Murray

Coming Apart was the only book assigned for the first college class I ever took. It was alright; a little too libertarian for my liking. This book is significant to me because it was assigned the week of nationals. I was worried that the assignments would take me away from spending time with friends, but it really didn't feel like my friends wanted to spend time with me that particular week. Charles Murray kept me company during one of the toughest weeks of 2018. Writing about Coming Apart reminds me of a turning point in my life- I started to value my education and growth, and I started creating opportunities for myself. I had to take initiative to be able to take college classes, and during nationals, I had to push myself to make new friends. Even though I'm not in contact with those people anymore, I'm thankful for them because they helped me prove to myself that I can reach out and fix situations that upset me.

Yotsuba& (Yotsubato) Volumes 9 and 11- Kiyohiko Azuma

I reread these two volumes after coming home from nationals. My sister recommended these, so I read them for the third or fourth time. They filled me with such pure joy.

Sense and Sensibility- Jane Austen

Jane Austen is always a good way to develop self-love and a feeling of girl power. I am definitely like Marianne, but I'm learning to appreciate the Elinors in my life.

Liberty, Order, and Justice- James McClellan

This was the text book for the second class I took last summer. It was boring, but a really good overview of Constitutional law.

Moby Dick- Herman Melville

I don't know if I can say that I really read Moby Dick considering I mostly used Sparknotes to get through it. I think it has value, but I really didn't like it.

Sketches from Church History- S.M. Houghton

This was an average history text book, with the advantage that it was really easy to skim through.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- J.K. Rowling

I finally finished the Harry Potter series!! I loved it so much, and the world resonated so much with me that I didn't want it to end. I just wanted to stay in the wizarding world forever. By September, though, the real world was good enough that I didn't have to hide in fictitious ones.

Summer Constellations- Alisha Sevigny

This book made me feel a little more alive. Yes, it was a trashy YA romance book, but it was an easy read that I could turn to between tasks.

everyone's a aliebn when ur a aliebn too: a book- jomny sun

This is my book of the year. It speaks to introverts, those with impostor syndrome, young people, and anyone who lives on the blue blob that's called earth. This book is just weird enough to be real. It breaks you and puts you back together better than you were before. I love this book so much that I read it twice, and it's a bit of a security blanket. I want to let my siblings and friends borrow it, but I don't want them to take it too far away from me. Seeing jomny in my book basket just makes me feel happy and secure. I cannot recommend this book enough.

United States History- Tim Keesee

The worst, most biased text I've ever had to read for school. Keesee empathized more with slave owners than civil rights leaders. Do not use Bob Jones texts!!!

OCDaniel- Wesley King

I started to read this in May, as I was struggling with anxiety, and I finished it in October, after my mental health had improved significantly. It was so heartening to see how far I'd come and that I'd never been alone. OCDaniel is at the middle school reading level, but the content is pretty mature. I recommend it to high school students.

Exploring Creation with Physics- Dr. Jay L. Wile

Physics was not my favorite course, but it prepared me for marine biology, which I'm really enjoying.

A Fate Totally Worse than Death- Paul Flieschman

This is a parody of teen horror, a genre with which I don't have any experience. I enjoyed it, though!

Pobre Ana- Blaine Ray

My Spanish teacher assigned Pobre Ana, a completely Spanish novella, to me over Thanksgiving break. It helped me enormously. By the end, I found that I didn't have to translate the words in my head; their meaning just clicked.

I Believe in a Thing Called Love- Maureen Goo

This book was fun, but very poorly written. It did get me interested in K-dramas, though. You can read my full review here.

Henry V- William Shakespeare

This is the first play I've read all the way through. I choose to read it as a criticism of war.

2019 motto

Blog update: I haven't been using this for my daily gratitude list because sometimes the things I'm thankful for are too personal to share, and sharing my gratitude makes me focus on getting attention rather than focusing on the God who blesses me. This blog will now be about self care, intentional living, and the lessons I'm learning in my personal life.


I kind of hate New Year's. It used to be because I didn't like looking back and feeling unaccomplished. Now, it's because everyone's talking about a "fresh start" or a "clean slate." I don't want a fresh start or a clean slate. I'm so proud of and thankful for the progress I've made this year, and I want to carry it forward into 2019. I don't want to start a brand new journey when I've made strides in this one.


My motto for 2019 will be: Have faith to build upon blessings.


Let's break up what that means.

Have faith: That seems pretty obvious, but I need to be more intentional about Christian living. This spring, I was overwhelmed with the unconditional love of God and what it means for me. I felt peace, and that helped me do things that scared me. I want to carry that forward into the new year and also shape my perspective around God's perspective, my priorities around His, and my actions around Him.

to build: My life has improved dramatically, but I still have a long way to go. I need to graduate high school, apply to college, get accepted somewhere, and strike out on my own for the first time. I want to continue to build my relationships, language skills, dancing ability, etc. This coming year, I plan to continue my journey to be the person God made me to be and help make the world closer to what He made it to be.

upon blessings: It would be remiss to ignore the ways God has blessed me this year and the ways I trust He will in 2019. He gave me opportunities to meet new people, develop new skills, try new things, and take care of myself. It would also be remiss to ignore the hard work I did. I constantly pushed myself out of my comfort zone, asked for things I needed or wanted, apologized, and tried to tackle the new challenges that came my way. It was rough: I think I spent more time with anxiety stomachaches than I have any other year, and I had my first panic attack in years. I got through it, though. I was less paralyzed than I have ever been. I was less depressed than I've been in recent years. And I was so happy. When I look back at this year, I feel joy and accomplishment. I don't want to forget or move past anything I felt and did in 2018. I want to move forward with gratitude and a perspective shaped by all I've experienced this year. Next year, I want to use the things God has given me to further His kingdom and my happiness. I want to build upon my blessings so I can share the with others. I want to remember every moment of 2018 so that 2019 will be overwhelmed with gratefulness.

October 3rd, 2018

Today, I am thankful for

• the ability and freedom to formulate my own opinions.
• encouraging reading material.
• encouragement from parents and friends.

September twentieth, 2018

Today, I thank God for

• opportunities to start over.
• a safe neighborhood to walk in.
• resources to help my learning and growth.

September eighteenth, 2018

Today, I'm thankful that

• God gives second chances.
• my allergies have gotten less severe.
• I'm enjoying some of the things I have to study.

August 25th, 2018

Today, I'm thankful for

• technology that helps me keep in touch with loved ones far away and that makes my work a little bit easier.
• the smell of freshly mowed grass.
• opportunities to do good.

August 13th, 2018

This blog is all about positivity and self-care, so I'm going to list five things about myself that I'm thankful for.

•  I can remember helpful information.
•  When I tango, my cortes are 👌👌👌.
•  I'm willing to try new things.
•  My calves are strong and muscular.
•  I'm tan and freckled. 

August 2nd, 2018

Today I'm thankful for

• libraries with air conditioning.
• environmentally-friendly notebooks.
• delicious coffee. 

July 28th, 2018

Today, I am thankful for

• people who push me out of my comfort zone.
• fascinatingly disgusting literature.
• educational opportunities.

July 16th, 2018

Today, I'm thankful for

• the ability to communicate.
• the strength to fight through anxiety and uncertainty.
• patience on the part of people around me and the growth in my patience and compassion for myself.

July 12th, 2018

I really need to be more consistent with this; it helps my mental health so much.

Today, I am thankful for

• a voice that I can use for good or for bad, to create or to destroy.
• a God who forgives every mistake.
• people willing to listen to my sadness and my joy, people who dry my tears and share in my smiles.

July 6th, 2018

Today, I'm thankful

• to know people who push me to become a better version of myself.
• that I can enjoy parts of my online college class.
• for AJR's music.

July 3rd, 2018

Today, I'm thankful for

• the ability and willpower to do things that scare me.
• games that calm me.
• music that feeds me.

July 1st, 2018

  I recently turned eighteen. I'm so thankful I made it this far. For much of my adolescence, I couldn't see myself making it to adulthood. Fear that something would happen to me, fear of failure, and suicidal ideation kept me from seeing the best possibility- I'd be surviving and thriving on my eighteenth birthday.

  I'm incredibly grateful for how far I've come. I couldn't have done it without the hope only God can give. He gave me the drive to seek recovery and find ways to enjoy the life He's blessed me with. Even a few months ago, had the same opportunities been presented to me, I would have declined or stayed on the outside, never being present. Now, I absolutely love ballroom dancing, joking with restaurant servers, and even just leaving my house. These seem like basic human experiences, but for years, my anxiety and depression kept me from having them or enjoying them when I had them. I'm so thankful that I've healed in very real ways.

  My anxiety and depression aren't gone. Last week at nationals, I had my first panic attack in years. Normal human emotions debilitate me. These acute symptoms suck, but they remind me how vibrant and amazing the rest of my life is. I no longer have a pall that hangs over me constantly. For that, I am grateful. For this undeniably genuine period in my life, I thank my Father.

June 20th, 2018

I've recently realized that  as great as gratitude is, it's kind of pointless if it doesn't point me back to God. So today I will more specifically thank God for everything I want to list.  Today I thank God for

• animals. They're beautiful and gentle, which are two of the greatest attributes of God's creations.
• strangers who care enough to pray for me and comfort me. I see God in them.
• friends who can distract me from pain that doesn't need to be focused on.

June 15th, 2018

Today, I'm thankful for

• apologies.
• understanding.
• good music.

June 10th, 2018

Today, I am thankful for 

• musical theater.
• being enough.
• the ability to recognize toxic behavior.

June 8th, 2018

Today, I'm thankful for

• new experiences.
• the ability to leave my house.
• positive vibes.

June 6th, 2018

Today, I am grateful for

• my Spanish tutor.
• healthy food.
• cats.

June 5th, 2018

Today, I'm thankful for

• learning that my thoughts don't define me.
• this little game about training and retraining neurons. 
• the progress our world has made toward becoming more loving and understanding.

June 4th, 2018

Today, I am thankful that

• my sister is home and I can talk to her.
• I haven't been sick since January.
• I'm finding peace even in imperfect circumstances.

June 3rd, 2018

Today I'm thankful for

• a God who takes me as I am and makes me better.
• music that inspires me to live life to the fullest.
• shows and movies that entertain and encourage me.
• delicious food that doesn't require taking innocent life.

June 2nd, 2018

Today I am thankful for 

• seized opportunities leading to more opportunities.
• a community that accepts and loves outsiders.
• artistry. 

May 31, 2018

  Today, I really want to wallow. I want to remember the bad things that have happened to me and imagine the bad things that may be coming. That's how I've lived my life thus far- pursuing every feeling, even if it's negative. I know that sitting in my despair will get me nowhere good; that's what's making me graduate a year late. It's just so easy, and it feels so natural. I want to grow and become more positive, which is really difficult as a natural pessimist and masochist. Instead of indulging my self-destructive impulses, I'm writing about the good things in my life. Today, I'm grateful

• that every day provides new opportunities to start over.
• my friends support my growth.
• I've chosen positivity and warmth. 

May 30th, 2018

I'm thankful for

• pro-life feminism.
•  being included by people who don't have to include me.
• getting to have my own opinions. 

May 29th, 2018

I'm thankful for

• libraries.
• organization.
• art.

May 28th, 2018

I'm thankful that

• I'm allowed to make mistakes. I don't have to be perfect.
• my life is no longer dedicated to recovery. I always thought that my whole life would be me trying to get over my anxiety and depression, and everything I did would be a way to feel better. I don't have to recover right now because my mental illnesses have taken a backseat. They aren't driving my life right now. They're still there, but I'm in control. I'm living my life, not just surviving.
• I have no idea what comes next. As terrifying as that is, I know everything will work out the way it's meant to. Maybe I can't imagine it because it's greater than I can know now. Even if it sucks, that will just make me work harder and be better. God has great things in store for me.

May 27th, 2018

Today, I'm grateful for

• my little nieces.
• the cast of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency.

I'm sorry this isn't much. I've been incredibly busy the past few days, so I'm exhausted. I feel very blessed, but I can't pick out three specific things. My creative mind is also creating issues for me to worry about, instead of letting me think about the blessings in my life.   

May 26th, 2018

I'm thankful for

• dancing.
• beneficent strangers.
• opportunity.

May 25th, 2018

Today I feel blessed that

• I was able to turn in my essay on time.
• I fell asleep before 2 AM.
• the sky is clear.

May 24, 2018

Today, I thank God that

• I realized the deadline for my essay was soon before it was too late.
• AJR's music exists.
• I have enough food and education to live a happy, healthy life.
• I've grieved over a friendship enough times to process it and to be able keep myself safe from that person. 

May 23rd, 2018

Today, I am thankful for

• being able to get out of bed soon after my first alarm went off.
• spring finally being in full effect.
• a mom who voluntarily makes coffee and offers to take care of my trash.

May 22nd, 2018

Today, I am grateful for. . .

• a hot breakfast in my belly.
• the opportunity to take a college class.
• my laptop working.